Firelight: Chapters 5-7

•September 28, 2010 • Leave a Comment

So, chapter 5 starts off with Jacinda’s mom talking to the new landlord. I’m pretty confused at how they’re able to move on so easily. Weren’t they secluded from all humanity up in that mountain? Do they have records of their birth? Do they even exist, according to the law? These are things I question and the book does nothing to answer them.

Jacinda doesn’t like the harsh dryness of the desert. She compares herself to an asthmatic. As an asthmatic, I should probably pretend like I’m offended… So, anyway, they’re living in someone’s pool house for the time being. They can’t swim in the pool (again with  the irony). Life sucks. Jacinda, in all her Mary-Sue glory, is deep in thought about how life sucks for her. Jacinda’s mom explains that living in a barren location can kill a draki quicker. Again, it annoys me that they can simply “undo” biology by keeping it dormant. Especially when it’s explained as something instinctual.

Her mom revealed that she lived in their new home, Chapparal, once before in the past. Apparently, drakis gets to go on tours where get to learn about the outside world. Her mom says that she always wanted to leave the pride but she couldn’t because she missed their dad when she was gone. I stare out at the water’s surface, still and dead without the faintest ripple of wind, and try to imagine loving someone that much. So much that you would give up all you ever wanted for yourself.

And who does she think of? Will, of course. My god! The girl doesn’t even know him and that’s who she thinks of? It’s evident that this love story is gonna get really old, really fast.

It’s her first day at a new school. Oh, joy. Already, Jacinda is bitching about the fake smells of the students. In class, she introduces herself as Jacinda Jones (I realize this is the first time I heard her last name). She lies and says that she’s from Colorado and she was home-schooled. Some bitch named Brooklyn torments her by going “fuh-reak!” How very early 90s of her. $5 says this Brooklyn bitch wants Will’s dick and when he’s giving Jacinda all his attention, she gets jealous.

As Jace is leaving class, some guy named Ken is vying for her attention. She politely tells him to gtf. She starts talking with Tamra. Tamra is loving her day so far. She suggests that Jace joins the cheerleading squad. And, out of the blue, she starts describing a sensation that reads like she went into epileptic shock.

I shake my head and open my mouth to stress my unwillingness, then stop. My flesh shivers. The tiny hairs at my nape prickle in alert. A textbook slips from my fingers, but I don’t move to pick it up.

Come on! Just guess what happened there? Yup! She sees Will (or, as she calls him just then, “the beautiful boy”) right down the hall. Oh, but wait! It gets even better! He’s accompanied by “Twirly-hair Brooklyn” who is literally clinging to him as he leans against his locker. You know, I was actually hoping that this book would prove at least one of my predictions wrong but it’s just way too easy. You know where everything’s going before it even starts. It’s kind of hard to believe I’m not reading this crap in advance.

Honey brown hair falls over his brow carelessly, and I remember it darkly wet and slicked back from his face. I remember the two of us alone in a cave, his hand on mine and that spark that passed between us before his face became so stark and angry.

I’m starting to think that maybe the two share some kind of psychic bond because of that moment they shared in the cave. I’m also hoping that Will’s change of expression is foreshadowing some kind of dissociative identity disorder. Come on, let’s make it interesting!

So, Jacinda’s skin starts glowing. She says that in moments of arousal, the draki comes out. At that point, I really have no idea how her mom got rid of her draki. What? The bitch never had an orgasm in 5 years?

Their eyes meet for a brief moment before Tamra finally gets Jace’s attention by slamming her locker. Will is starting to disappear into the crowd as Tamra drags her into the bathroom, but even with him out of sight, she can sense him. Jace considers telling Tamra about Will but, ultimately, doesn’t. Tamra orders her to stay away from him. As they walk to class, Jacinda is hoping she sees him in the empty halls. She doesn’t.

Chapter 6 kicks off with Jace avoiding the cafeteria during lunch for the sake of her sensitive smell. Instead, she goes into the library and talks about the “musty books”. Like, the books in misty town were much better? Girl, please! She’s feeling relieved when she makes it to the last class — Study Hall.

Some guy named Nathan, who’s, apparently, been following Jace around since 5th period, is being annoying. She knocks over one of her books and goes down to pick it up. Suddenly, her spidey-senses starts tingling and she knows that he just walked into the room. Will’s mannerisms implies that his spidey-senses are also tingling.

Then, he stops, angling his head strangely. Like he hears a sound. Or smells something unusual. The same way he looked in the hall today. Right before he saw me.

He approaches the table where she sits with Nathan and asks if he can sit there. Nathan doesn’t mind, as he was already planning on heading to the library. Jacinda is having a lot of weird, draki-like reactions to his presence. She’s purring under her breath and she feels a fire deep inside her. She says that her draki feels more alive than ever around him.

Will breaks the silence by saying, “So, you’re new.” How very observant. He also mentions how he saw her in the hall. He tells her that he watched running during P.E. from his classroom window. I don’t get how he, oh so casually, tells her that he watches her from a distance. It’s only her first day and it’s like he’s saying: “hey you. I have a bit of creepy-stalker tendencies that you should maybe know about.”

So, there’s more forced conversation between them before two guys enter the class. They direct their attention at Will. I’m pretty sure they’re hunters. One of the guys, Xander, has really cold, dark eyes to match his dark hair. Xander confuses her for Tamra before she corrects him. He introduces himself to her, along with his red-headed brother named Angus. They reveal that they’re Will’s cousins. So, I’m assuming hunting a family business then?

Jacinda’s instinct tells her that they’re a threat. Eventually, they mind they’re own business. Will tells her to stay away from them (already with the protective boyfriend role?) because they’re jerks. Jacinda asks him if he’s a good guy. He says that he isn’t. She then asks why he’s sitting with her and he replies that he doesn’t know.

They sit in awkward silence before a laugh in the back of the class catches her attention. She turns to see Xander tickling some girl’s vagina… erm, sides. Xander catches her gaze and his face turns serious. Will warns her that Xander isn’t one of those guys that she wants to notice her. Suddenly, the bell rings and he leaves without a wave goodbye. Rude, much?

End of chapter 6.

Chapter 7 opens and Jacinda is fighting with her locker when some broad starts conversation with her by saying, “Will Rutledge. Impressive.” Already, I know that this is gonna be the new best friend that fills her on all the politics of their school. She starts to explain that Will and his cousins are pretty popular with the girls.

“Rich, hot, and they’ve got that bad-boy edge going for them.” She nods. “Xander and Angus are users. Been through half the girls in this school. Not Will though. He’s…” I lean forward, eager for anything she will impart about him. “Well. Will…” A wistful smile curves her mouth. “He’s elusive. None of the girls here interest him.” She rolls her magnificent eyes and sighs dramatically. “Course that just makes us want him harder.”

Want him… “harder”? Excuse me? Wow, these girls have no shame in their game. And why is it that Will has to be uninterested in all the other girls? Easy-made Edward Cullen references aside, I find it hard to believe that a hormonal teenager didn’t get his dick sucked at least once when he knows a handful of girls are lining up to do it. At the very least, a tugjob.

The girl, Catherine, suggests that Jace stays away from Will. “Because Brooklyn Davis will pulverize you or any girl who goes after him.”

Wait! Her name is Brooklyn Davis? The queen bee of the school’s name is B. Davis?

That shit ain’t no coincidence!

Catherine explains that Brooklyn wants to fuck him. She wants his dick in or around her mouth. It’s probably not to get on her bad side because she can make your life hell. God, you gotta love how these high school girls have so much power in industrialized America. Especially when they’re pathetic enough to chase a guy that doesn’t want them.

The two soon part ways and Jacinda is alone in the halls. She spots her sister, Tamra, looking happier than she’s ever seen her with a group of new friends. The two are walking towards the exit to meet Mrs. Jones, who insists on picking them up after school. Tamra makes a joke about Jacinda’s inability to drive. They’re mom is waiting right out front for them. Idle conversation is held about the first day when Jacinda notices a familiar-looking Land Rover in the parking lot. The same Land Rover that chased her on the mountain. She fights her instinct to manifest.

Of course, Xander and Angus are by the Land Rover. Brooke Penelope Scott Davis is with them, also. She talks with her body, apparently. Now I’m positive it’s no coincidence. Jace feels that Will is nearing. She compares his movement to be swift like a jungle cat (she also made that comparison when she saw him in the hall, jsyk). Will stops dead in his tracks. Their gazes meet and he smiles and keeps walking, B. Davis following his ass like a dick-hungry vulture.

Tamra notices the moment and takes the opportunity to inform her mom of that one certain event that took place earlier in the day. Her mom warns her to stay away from the guy and try to keep her draki dormant. “It’s like a muscle. It will lose strength if you don’t exercise it.” That entire quote sort of contradicts the whole “instinctual” aspect of their draki but I digress.

Jacinda says that she feels dead inside. And then we close chapter 7. Should we tally up my prediction rate or just pretend like I got a few of them wrong to help even the score?

Firelight: Chapters 1-4

•September 28, 2010 • Leave a Comment

The very reason I joined this site was because of a now-dead account that recapped the chapters of a YA fantasy book called Evermore. Paying homage, I decided to do my own, less-funnier spin on recapping a story of my choice. That’s when I found out about “Firelight” by Sophie Jordan through an article on ONTD. Honestly, the fact that the book wasn’t about vampires intrigued me enough to give a try but I made it halfway through chapter 2 when I realized this was one for the lulz.

The story starts off: Gazing out at the quiet lake, I know the risk is worth it. Immediately, I shudder at the fact that the story is 1st person. 1st person stories are so hard to pull off, especially if you’re trying to write a respectable love story. Instead of a romance that any young teen can relate to, you get an obsession between the female and male. Suddenly, it’s like they only breathe for this one guy that they just met. Oh no, there are people out there that are actually like that? Okay, fine. But if said persons were the protagonist to a book, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to be likable.

All I can hope for right now is that the protagonist isn’t a Mary Sue.

Said protagonist, Jacinda, sneaks off from her home to go to the mountain top with her best friend, Azure. The almost dawn and the sun is cracking the sky. They start stripping like something out of Baywatch while thoughts about “the pride” runs through her mind. Mainly, some guy in the pride named Cassian. My guess is that Cassian is to Kocoum as Jacinda is to Pocahontas. She says that “Tamra can have him”. Tamra is probably some girl in the pride who is jealous of Jacinda. You see how easy it is to figure this book out? Everything is so textbook and we’re only on the first freakin’ page! Or maybe I’m just a presumptuous asshole and they’ll prove me wrong.

As the sun comes up, she starts to transform into a draki. She’s excited to feel the sun on her draki skin because the pride is only allowed to fly at night. The transformation isn’t exactly detailed but from what I read, it doesn’t sound very appealing: My face tightens, cheeks sharpening, subtly shifting, stretching. My breath changes as my nose shifts, ridges pushing out from the bridge. So, in draki form, they’re pretty much lanky, deformed humanoids with claws, colorful semi-scaly skin, and wings? Wow. Moving on.

Azure is a water draki. And like such, she can breathe underwater. Jacinda sulks about she’d rather be any other kind of draki than a fire-breather is. Not only because it’s lame but because everyone treats her differently. Ever since I manifested at age eleven, I’ve ceased to be Jacinda. Now, because of that line, I can’t unimagine that manifesting for the the first time is the equivalent of your first period or woody.

Anyways, Jacinda goes on to reveal that she’s the only fire-breather in the pride for more than 400 years. Wait! Hold the front door! How the hell is there a race of human-dragon hybrids and none of them breathe fire? Is that Sophie Jordan’s submissive attempt at irony?

Mid-ponder, Jacinda starts hearing sounds. Az, in all her iridescent glory, points to an approaching chopper. Hunters. The girls start flying away but the chopper is getting closer and Azure, being a water draki, can’t fly very fast. Jacinda wonders if her father’s final moments were as frightful as hers. Immediately, I think: ‘bitch, he ain’t dead!’. They find some nice treetops to hide in. Azure suggests that they demanifest (turn back into human form) but Jacinda knows that they can’t. Draki can never hold human form in a state of fear. It’s a survival mechanism.

With little to no options, Jacinda comes up with a plan. She’ll have the hunters chase her. When the area is clear is, Az is gonna hide in the lake and she’s not coming out until it’s safe again.
She nods jerkily, the ridges on her nose contracting with a deep breath. “W-what are you going to do?”
I force a smile, the curve of my lips painful on my face. “Fly, of course.”

And with that ends the chapter. Chapter 2 begins with Jacinda reminiscing about how she beat Cassian, an onyx draki, in a race at age twelve. Yeah, yeah. We get it. You’re fast. And so the chase begins and she hardly lasts a second before getting shot in the wing. Ha! She falls to the ground. Somehow, not breaking a limb or two, she gets up on her two feet and start running. She tracks the sound of water and it leads her to a pond. For whatever reason, she contemplates standing there where all the hunters are nearing her with nets and shit. Eventually, she jumps into the pond.

She notices a ledge inbetween one of the 4 walls of jagged rocks surrounding the pond. She tucks herself inside, hoping they don’t find her. She can hear the hunters at the top of the rocks. They’re too pussy to jump in the freezing cold water after “it”. One of the voices really catches Jacinda’s attention because of the smoothness in it (a.k.a. young). And of course, he’s the only one who’s name the hunters say in conversation.


So, Will jumps into the water. He looks around and sees the cave that Jacinda is hiding in. He approaches it and Jacinda, for whatever reason, isn’t using her fire-breathing abilities to save her ass. Fortunately enough for her, she doesn’t really need to (but of course!). Will is absolutely transfixed by the vision. As is Jacinda. He creeps closer to her in awe and utter silence. She notes that his wet hair appears almost black and his wet black T-shirt is stuck to him like a 2nd skin. Oh, but this is the part where I decided stopped reading so I can recap this shit: His eyes widen. A lovely hazel. Green with flecks of brown and gold. The colors I love.

All cheesiness aside, why did they have to be the colors she love? Why couldn’t they be colors she hate? As a matter of fact, why did Will have to be so beautiful? I would’ve liked to know if things would be different had he been just as curious but a little rugged. Not necessarily ugly but just really rough around the edges. Better yet, why couldn’t Will be an asshole? Why are all these beautiful guys such stand-up citizens? In the real world, guys who give girls wetties just by existing are usually on a mission to get a blowjob. Oh no, but never these guys. For once, I’d like to see the protagonist become a victim to a guy’s good looks and charm.

Dear authors, stop giving all these young teen girls hope that there’s an Abercrombie & Fitch model out there for them. Not without putting out, at least.

So, anyway. He touches her hand and she heats up. The intense moment is interrupted when one of the guys call out to him. They ask if he sees “it” but Will lies and says that he doesn’t. And then he leaves Jacinda all alone. End of chapter 2.

Chapter 3 starts with Jacinda still in the cave, waiting until she’s sure it’s safe. Eventually, she comes out. She thinks about Will, hoping that one day he’ll return so that he can answer the questions that she wonders in her head… like, “how big is your penis, my good sir?” As she stays cautious, she hears her name being called out. She’s surrounded by the elders of the pride. Cassian is also among them, looking pissed at her. She thinks about how much easier it would be for her to just let him in. Metaphorically, I’m sure… but physically still holds ground, also.

Cassian’s dad, Severin, appears all gruntly and serious. He bitches about how she broke the flying rule and snuck off from their village. Jacinda’s mom says that she and Tamra were worried sick. (Oh, so Tamra’s her sister!) Severin insists that “something” needs to be done with Jacinda. My personal guess is that her “punishment” is to mate with Cassian. Her mom is on some “not my daughter, you bitch!” type shit.

I glance behind me at Severin and Cassian, father and son, king and prince.
I called that Kocoum shit. Just saying.

The chapter ends. In chapter 4, Jacinda is back home. Az is waiting for her with all open arms. Jacinda talks about the magical mist of the mountain-town, courtesy of Nidia. Apparently, she’s the only one who has that kind of ability. It prevents aircrafts from detecting it if they ever pass it. Jacinda goes inside to see Tamra, cool as the other side of the pillow, watching TV. Jacinda figures the bitch wasn’t really worried about her.  Az is telling Jacinda about how the entire town went into panic when she was in danger and then her mom just rudely interrupts and tells her to “say goodbye”.

Az leaves and Jace’s mom locks the door. She announces that they’re leaving tonight. Her mom says that they need to GTFO as soon as possible and Jacinda isn’t taking the news very well. Tamra, on the other hand, jumps up excitingly and starts packing her shit. Her mom says that she always imagined their dad would return and that’s the only reason she hasn’t left yet. She says leaving is best for her. Jacinda says it’s best for her mom and Tamra. Apparently, Tamra, her identical twin sister, never manifested into a draki and resent Jace for that. Her mom on the other hand, forcibly held in her draki for years. Jace is convinced that she no longer possess her inner-draki. Is that even possible? How can one completely change their entire DNA just by keeping it dormant for years? That’s like saying the kids of Jersey Shore are no longer white just because stay tanned. It can’t be freakin’ done!

“When they demand I give my sixteen-year-old daughter to their precious prince so they can begin mating, they are fiends!”

I swear I’m not reading this shit in advance.

So, in the middle of the night, Jacinda and Tamra are sneaking outside of the village. Jace hopes that Nidia, alone in her house near the arched entry of the town, would notice that they’re leaving and sound the alarms but rest-assured, she doesn’t. Jace is upset as her mother drives down the mountain. Soon, she’ll be a “defunct draki” like her sister and she dreads her new life as she imagines never being able to reach into that part of herself anymore. She relates it to stories of amputees and how they can never scratch their missing limps.

It’s so obvious where this story is heading. Jacinda and Tamra are going to move to a new, small town and enter a high school where things are gonna suck for her until she sees Will.

If it goes down like that, I just hope that he’s a teacher or something so that it’ll be a little less cliched. I mean, I claim to be psychic most of the time but these predictions are getting ridiculous.

The Evolution of Boy Meets World

•September 27, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Never has a show undergone such dramatic change in television history as the now decade-old classic, Boy Meets World. Even though the show had long-ended, it remains relevant in today’s society for the timeless issues that the show tackled throughout its 7 years on the air.

Season 1 – Juvenile Awakening: The show takes off with an 11-year old Cory Matthews, chronicling his life as he learns everyday-lessons through eccentric events that takes place between himself and the important people in his life: his modern, middle-class family consisting of Alan and Amy, the mother and father. Eric, his older brother whom he shares a room with and Morgan, his little sister. Also among the list of significant people in his life is his best friend, Shawn Hunter, his nerdy arch-nemesis, Minkus and the enemy of the opposite sex, Topanga Lawrence. And (arguably) most importantly, his teacher, mentor and neighbor, Mr. Feeny.

The show’s first season remains consistently juvenile. Cory Matthew’s, though, constantly finding himself in comical scenarios, typical day consists of lunchroom chit-chat about baseball and comic books. Despite being a bit ignorant, the protagonist heads the show with his average, all-American personality. He’s probably the most relatable character at first.

Eric, being the hormonal teen, usually served his purpose on the show with subtexts about his self-perpetuating quest to get his dick wet. Cory remains incapable of understanding Eric’s interest in the opposite sex as he only wants to spend time with his older brother, whose attention is clearly directed elsewhere.

Topanga, not yet a prominent addition to the cast of the show, is Cory’s classmate. She remains, for the most part, in the background as a heavily spiritual hippie. One of the most memorable moments she had in season 1 was when she gave Cory his first kiss (though, later retconned… as most things were). She mostly associates herself with Minkus, another outcast whom both Cory and Shawn continuously ridiculed throughout his stay on the show.

The central theme of season 1 is Cory and how he’s beginning to see the world for what it really is, ultimately setting the course for the remainder of the show where Cory is constantly learning more and more about life. Thus, a boy is meeting the world. You see what I just did there?

Season 2 – Puberty: Cory and Shawn enter high school and quickly learn that it’s a whole new ballpark. The first half of the show remains as equally juvenile as the show’s freshman season. In the season opener, Cory finds himself in a quarrel with John Adams High’s school bully, Harley Kiner. Being the bullies to Topanga and the now-nonexistent Minkus, Shawn and Cory are now the bullied. Life is just.

A new addition to the cast is Johnathan Turner a.k.a the anti-Feeny. He’s the new English teacher now that Mr. Feeny is the principal of John Adams High… because, like all teachers do, he followed his favorite students to high school.


The 2nd episode of season two is the beginning to the most consistent theme of the season: girls. Season 1 was mostly about Cory being a boy but now he’s hitting puberty and getting wood over the opposite sex. Nearly every other episode involves some bizarre situation that Cory gets into with another girl. He even found himself dating Harley Kiner’s slutty little sister, T.K., for an episode. Topanga, of course, is the only consistent love interest to Cory. But their relationship during season two was never glorified.

The most notable  occurrence in season 2 was Cory’s and Shawn’s growth spurts. Midseason, it appears as if the two had aged at least two years. The show took advantage of their aging process by tackling more mature storylines, including sexuality. Also notable is that Cory took the backseat for a number of episodes out the season while Eric and Shawn took the wheel.

The season ends on a very powerful note. Shawn moves in with the Matthews temporarily while his father searches for his mother across the country. Despite spending nearly all his time at Cory’s house, he doesn’t feel as if he belongs with a middle class napkin-folding, white picket fence family. Mr. Turner, being a bandanna-wearing lone wolf himself, takes Shawn in. Thus, this Shawn-centric episode marks the beginning of his never-ending “I’m fucked up because I grew up in a trailer park” epic.

Seasons 3 & 4 – The Transitioning Seasons: The show slowly starts to evolve into its dramedy formula within these two seasons. Becoming a lot more comfortable with itself, a few running gags start to develop: (mostly humorous) cracks at Cory and Shawn’s “close” relationship and Eric’s increasing stupidity, etc..

The season starts off with a big game-changer: Cory and Topanga finally make it official. According to later seasons, they’ve been dating since they were 2 but for those of us that don’t have “selective dissociative memory”, this is when Cory and Topanga started dating. Their relationship is pretty nondramatic, for the most part.

Meanwhile, Shawn is living with Mr. Turner, who serves as his father figure. As one would imagine, being a young, eligible bachelor who’s taking care of a teenage boy that, presumably, gets just as many blowjobs as you do can be a handful for the whole lot. It’s just as much of a learning experience for Mr. Turner as it is for Shawn.

Midseason, Cory and Topanga break up. Sad story, really: Cory feels as though he and Topanga moved into old-married-couple territory and he wants to spice up his life by going to a nightclub with Shawn and pretending to be the legend himself (because, of course, when all the girls talk about going to 3rd base with Shawn Hunter, they never mention how he looks). While there, he keeps hearing about some hot french girl and he plans to make a move on her. Surprise, surprise! The girl ends up to be none other than Topanga.

The two talk about their relationship. The conversation in full: Cory doesn’t want to break up but Topanga insists that it’s best they break up so they won’t end up hating each other. And, in true television fashion, they walk their separate ways before running back to where they split but missing each other by only seconds. (*and the audience collectively snap their fingers and go “darn it!”*) The remaining theme of the season is Cory dealing with being “friends” with Topanga. That is, until the penultimate episode where they synchronize their reunion kiss with Disneyland’s fountain jets.

In season 4, things are a bit different from season 3. Eric, being rejected at all the hundreds of colleges he applied to, becomes a townie. Shawn’s dad return and eventually, so does his mom (apparently, still stuck  in her 80s attire). Cory and Topanga have a pretty stable relationship. Their relationship is tested when Topanga’s parents move to Pittsburg but she runs away and ends up living with her aunt, all because she’s in love with a boy. Confirming that her parents really are hippies. Though, various challenges like child abuse and sex are presented to our characters, nothing really changes for season 4 except Topanga’s hair (she loses the hippie-hair = gets even hotter). Oh… and the gang somehow skipped 3 years of their academic journey.

Season 5 – Senior Year: The show is now fully-transitioned into its dramedy dynamic at this point. And after a consistently uneventful season 4, things begin ch-ch-changing for the gang in big ways.

This is undoubtedly the most eventful season for Shawn. We find out he has a(nother) half-brother named Jack. Jack is Eric’s age (which, in season 1, would’ve been 5 years older than Shawn but is now only 2 years). Shawn, Eric, and Jack now share an apartment together. He also gets a girlfriend, Angela Moore, for more than one episode. Their relaxed relationship, in the beginning, helps even out the increasingly intensity to Cory and Topanga’s love story.

At this point, the show should really no longer be called “Boy Meets World” but instead, it should be called “The Cory & Topanga Show”. Unlike season 2, which never pushed their epic romance on us, this season makes it pretty clear that Cory and Topanga are perfect soulmates, made for each other, etc. etc. Cory is no longer a baseball-loving guy’s guy but a lovesick pansy who’s entire world revolves around his love life.

The season 5 break-up is probably the most provocative arc of BMW. Cory sprains his ankle at a mountain lodge during his school’s ski trip. While everyone is out playing, Cory befriends a mountain lodge employee, Lauren. The two eventually end up talking through the entire night and the next day Cory lies to Topanga about his ankle still being in pain so that he can spend more time with Lauren. Honest conversation transpires (“I love Topanga but I can’t stop thinking of you during my cold showers”: not a direct quote but it was implied. Trust me.) and Lauren kisses him. Cory eventually confesses to Topanga about lying to her but leaves out a small, insignificant detail (don’t play, bitch! You know exactly what I’m about). Lauren writes Cory a letter and Topanga gets her hands on it at the end of the episode.

The next episode, Topanga reads the letter. As expected, it puts a strain on the relationship. She can’t forgive him for lying about the kiss. The next episode rolls around and just as things are looking up for Cory and Topanga, Lauren shows up, all out of breath like she walked all the way from Colorado on foot. All the cockblocking bullshit aside, I find it odd how she knew exactly where to find him in a big city that she’s never been to before. It’s not like she found him at home and this was long before the technology of cell phones and twitter. You’d think that someone would be concerned for his life but no.

Topanga tells Cory to go on a date with Lauren to sort his feelings out and he obeys. They have a pretty nice date (motorboating ensues). But in the end, Cory realizes that he can’t live without Topanga. Therefore, he tells Topanga of his grand revelation and she responds by saying that she can’t be with him because he listened to her and went out with Lauren. White people, I swear…

The breakup didn’t last very long but for those 3 episodes, it played a catalyst to the plots of every episode. Most notable: the drinking episode. Albeit, very PSA in nature, it was a strong episode. Cory drinks to get over his pain and convinces Shawn to drink with him. The two pissed on a cop car… together (I’m willing to bet dick-bumping or side-eye glances occurred. Liquid sword-fighting: just as gay) before getting in trouble. Also, Shawn shows signs of angst and alcoholism (+1 on reasons why Shawn Hunter is fucked up).

Eventually, Cory and Topanga get back together when Topanga kisses another guy and feels nothing. Things are good. They even almost had sex but Alan and Amy cockblocked and guilt them into doing the “right thing”… or something like that. The roller-coaster of a season ends with a doozy when Topanga proposed to Cory just as the graduating class throw their hats in the air.

Season 6 – The College Years: The season starts exactly where it left off: graduation day. Cory is staring at Topanga like an idiot after she proposes to him. Shit happens but the two never get married. Fast-forward to 3 months later and things are changing. Again. Cory and gang are now in college and with the addition of Rachel on the show, putting best friends Eric and Jack at odds against each other for her affection, every character falls into their arcs that last throughout the season as they discover adulthood.

Shawn decides to move out his apartment with Jack and Eric to live on campus with Cory (because anyone would trade an apartment with your own room for a small dorm room, a tiny closet space, and a public bathroom). Along with the college experience, Shawn gets to revisit the single life after breaking up with Angela. The two embark in a complicated “friendship”. Midseason, Shawn’s dad comes back in town… and dies. Shawn is more fucked up than ever. He leaves town for a while to find himself.

Eric and Jack spend most of the season trying to woo their new roomie, Rachel. Mostly consisting of silly subplots, the two never seem to get anywhere with her… until Chet dies and Jack breaks down in her arms. Eric, heartbroken by the fact that his best friend is getting laid, moves out of the apartment.  Eric also has a little subplot throughout some episodes where he befriends an orphan boy, Tommy. With that boy’s departure goes Eric’s last redeeming quality.

Cory and Topanga remain healthy throughout the entire season. Unsavory situations  are sure to occur but, of course, they all end happily. Until the season finale where Topanga’s parents reveal they’re getting a divorce and now Topanga starts to doubt her own relationship with Cory. The season ends with Cory postponing his wedding date while Topanga cries during Mr. Feeny’s wedding. Not in the good way, mind you.

Season 7 – Dead Horse Territory: Disregarding only a handful of episodes, this season descends back into season 1 where the episodes are radical, episodic, problem-needs-solution stories. The characters have all entered adulthood and the adults, Amy and Alan, no longer serve a real purpose on the show’s dynamic anymore.

The season starts with Cory and Shawn feeling the need to revive Topanga’s parent’s marriage in order to restore their respective relationships with Topanga and Angela. They fail. Fast forward to the next episode where they both sit outside the apartment (Eric and Jack’s old apartment where Topanga and Angela are now living with Rachel, who split with Jack over the summer) begging for the girls’ attention.

Shit happens and Shawn and Angela get back together. The episode after that, Cory and Topanga have a very underwhelming reunion compared to Shawn and Angela’s in the previous episode. I suspect the writers initially had a bigger plan for Cory and Topanga’s breakup but with the end of the show nearing, they decided not to waste any time because the two got married two episodes later. And thus, the show got, dare I say, boring.

Eric became unbearably dumb this season to the point where he seems like he’s staring off in space most of the time. Jack used to be a nice, shy guy in seasons 5 and 6 but now he’s a smug asshole. Cory is an idiot, though, not completely brain dead like his brother. Topanga is the voice of reason in times where Mr. Feeny isn’t. Angela and Rachel are… themselves (thank god).

Sadly, Shawn falls back into his season 1-role as the best friend. He gets one episode centered around him in season 7 where he finds out his “mother”, that left him twice, isn’t his birth mother. He searches for said birth mother but she doesn’t want to be found. He gets drunk and declares to everyone at the party that he’s a fucked up, self-loathing orphan. After having a conversation with ghost!Chet, he goes back to Cory’s house and apologizes for making everyone worry about him. Shawn and Angela have a small, sweet moment where she wraps her arms around him and he asks her to “never leave”. “I won’t.”, she promises. Liar.

In the penultimate episode to the two-part finale, Angela’s dad comes back to town and asks her to move to Europe with him. (At this point, I’m convinced that God must really hate Shawn.) Angela leaves and Shawn takes it surprisingly well (“well” for Shawn means not getting himself into shit or running away). And then it is revealed at the end of the episode that Cory and Topanga has to move to New York for her internship.

The last two episodes are mostly clip shows. Flashbacks makes the viewers sad as they reminisce in the glory days of the show and how it changed so much throughout the years. Eric is graduating college (which is impossible. Nevermind the fact that he pulled it off in 3 years) with Rachel and Jack. The later mentioned two are leaving for the peace corps. Shawn and Eric are leaving for New York with Cory and Topanga.

The episode’s last scene ends with Cory, Topanga, Shawn and Eric all in Mr. Feeny’s classroom. They try to make him admit that they’re his favorite students but he’s adamant at denying those claims (for fuck’s sake, he got married in the Matthews’ living room! Who is he kidding?). They all hug him with teary goodbyes and he gives his one last piece of advice to Cornelius before he leaves for good. Mr. Feeny overlooks his old classroom one last time before saying his final words.

“I love you all. Class dismissed.”

*fades to black

All About Freffy

•October 3, 2009 • Leave a Comment

3x05 Screencap

I’ve spent many-a-hours debating over fictional relationships and analyzing them from the ground up. One main couple that instantly comes to mind is One Tree Hill’s Brooke & Lucas. Another pairing that comes to mind is Freddie McClair and Effy Stonem from the British drama: Skins. And yes, this blog entry is about them…

Out of boredom, I decided to watch this vlog on youtube about Freffy. I’ve watched the video numerous times before but now I’m in the proper mood to give it a step-by-step evaluation, if only for the sake of letting it all out. First and foremost, I have to say that I adore Corey (lizpotter) and I undoubtedly respect her opinion. I’m not trying to imply, in any way, that she’s wrong. I’m only offering a little perspective.

Corey starts off the discussion with three main reasons why she doesn’t approve of Freffy.

-No Chemistry
-No Reason To Be In Love
-No Conversations

Freddie and Effy has no chemistry? Wow, this is news to me! The chemistry is what won me over from the very beginning. The eyesex and silent-jizzing in episode 2 was when I officially became a “shipper”. And no, I’m not the type of guy who falls in love with the billboard couple just because I’m supposed to. If a couple can win me over with a couple of glances then, by god, I believe that’s what we call chemistry.

-No Chemistry

Freddie and Effy have no reason to be in love? Okay, two things comes to mind when I read that. One: Does anyone have a reason to be in love. As far as I’m concerned, it just happens. It’s not like someone contemplates falling in love with someone before they do it. Sometimes, all it takes is a little understanding and a little trust. That said, let me get on to two: Who said that Freddie and Effy are in love? Wait, before you say anything about 3×10, let me say that I believe Effy telling Freddie she loves him in the season 3 finale doesn’t count.

For starters, he didn’t say it back. She never gave him the chance because she instantly hung the phone. Did anyone catch the emphasis on you? When she said, “because I love you” it translated as “I want you, not Cook”. It wasn’t a big romantic gesture complete with roses on the fifth date. Freddie and Effy never shared a big Romeo+Juliet balcony scene but I’ve noticed that some fans like to make it seem that way. Even with Effy’s “confirmation” (quotes for sarcasm), I think that Freddie and Effy being in love is debatable.

-No Real Reason To Be In Love

No conversations is a tricky one because Corey was correct with that mark. Freddie and Effy don’t really know each other (as far as family history and likes/dislikes go). But, as I said in my video comment, the real love triangle of season 3 holds Freddie as the middleman, not Effy. I feel as though Effy was a plot device for the true love story of season 3… which is Freddie & Cook. (I mean that in a non-slashy way, despite my personal fondness).

Meanwhile, looking past all the Freddie/Cook angst, Effy is going through a developmental stage of her own. She’s inconveniently stuck between two guys: The one that’s good for her and the one that’s simply not. The point of the particular triangle from her standpoint is to articulate how fucked up Effy is. She’ll choose what she knows can’t be healthy for her: Cook.

(Effy shamelessly supports my theory that the female race are pure-bred masochists)

– No Conversations

Corey argues that Effy and Freddie aren’t friends and they don’t know each other. I can’t argue against that because it’s true. Effy and Freddie aren’t exactly friends in any context. Freddie was infatuated with Effy but Effy was scared of her infatuation to him. They had very few conversations… but when Effy did open up to Freddie, she did so in ways that she only did with Tony. Effy trusts Freddie and she knows what kind of person he is—a good guy—and that’s the very same reason why she’s afraid of him. Her defenses prevents her from having any real conversation with him.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to bash Effy and Cook in the process but I just don’t understand why most fans believe they’re the best pairing to pop up on the screen since Brucas. There’s no romantic passion between the two of them. And it’s not just my personal opinion. The “sex” scene in 3×08 made that much very clear.

Here’s my perspective on the Cook/Effy relationship: Cook loves Effy for one reason.

At the end of 3×08, Effy’s affair with Cook turned into a need. Effy needed to run away and Cook wanted to run away. He was the only person that she could turn to and Cook knew that. Cook feeds off that passion of need to compensate for Freddie and JJ—the two most important people in his life—turning their backs on him. I always thought Cook confused his “love” for her with his love for those two(Freddie, moreso).

Effy, on the other hand, loves him but she knows she can never be in love with him. That’s why she used him to shake her feelings for Freddie. The Cook/Effy relationship is the most complicated because it’s not a friendship but there’s hardly any romance, just lustful passion at the most. Cook and Effy share a special bond that can’t be labeled and that’s why I can always appreciate what they share… but what they share isn’t what Effy desires. What Effy desires is Freddie but what she wants is to not desire him. Effy’s biggest battle isn’t loving Freddie: it’s letting love in. That’s something she wouldn’t be able to do with Cook. Ever.

(4 Reasons) Why Dan & Blair Belong Together

•September 23, 2009 • 4 Comments

Tisk, tisk. My first legit entry for this blog and it’s Gossip Girl-related. If there was any doubt about my sexual preference then there’s none now…

Dan & Blair Manip

Anyway, doing this blog is making my skin itch because I don’t know how to evaluate my perspective without entailing a my-way-or-the-highway approach. That said, I have to admit upfront that I don’t mind Dan/Blair staying right where they are. I also have to admit that I haven’t jumped on the Chuck/Blair bandwagon and I consider myself to be a Nate/Blair shipper (yes, you read right. I suspect a handful of you are now navigating your cursors to the upper-right corner of this window). Now, without further-ado, here are my reasons:

1.) Dan and Blair have the only consistent relationship on the entire show… next to Blair & Serena, of course. But this reason in itself can be considered bad news. TPTB tend to ruin any relationship that stands as a threat to the show’s Ross&Rachel. First with Nate/Blair and then with Chuck/Vanessa. How so?

2×18 – The Grandfather developed Nate and Blair’s relationship to whole new level: an honest friendship. Sure, they were somewhere on the borderline of “civil” after the final breakup in season 1 but the scene they shared in the episode was more than a small exchange of words. They actually bonded through that scene and Blair opened up to Nate, arguably, in more ways than she had to Chuck (comedy cue: “that’s what she said!”).

Jump to next week. 2×19: Nate and Blair are already on heavy-flirting terms and she’s pressuring him to breakup with Vanessa so they can hold hands and go trollop through Garden Square (oh, but don’t worry! Nate and Vanessa got in a little tiff two days prior to all this hooblah. Thus, completely justified!).  Excuse me?! Even for dumbass Blair and manwhore Nate, that was a hard pill for me to swallow. After such an amazing scene between those two in 2×18, TPTB had to backtrack on one of the few decent things they’ve done in season 2 and treat NB like a second-rate couple.

But that just wasn’t enough for them, was it? Iirc, Chuck and Vanessa had a little bonding session of their own in 2×03. After finally getting their friendship back on track , Vanessa ends up losing her integrity by turning their relationship into a sex game. Here’s what I think was going through the writers’ minds when they wrote that: “God forbid Chuck smiles at any other girl than Blair!”

…I’m swaying WAY off track here. Let’s get back to the point.

Dan and Blair had the only consistent relationship throughout the show. No matter how much they bond or talk, they always stick to their comfort zone when they interact with each other: I snark, you snark. More times than not, they even follow the same pattern. Dan attempts to help Blair, despite their history, and then he finds out that there’s some ulterior motive so he backtracks on what he may have said or done to benefit Blair (ex: 2×08/3×02).

2.) They know each inside and out. When Dan outed Asher to Gossip Girl, Blair knew right off the bat that lonely boy sent the anonymous tip. And even though she “hates” Dan, she knows just what he’s good for and what he isn’t. When she was seeking advice for her roller-coaster titled “Chuck”, she sought out Dan, of all people, because she knew he’d tell her what she wanted to hear.

(1×04) Even when Serena was too blind to notice the intensity of Blair’s inferiority complex to her, Dan saw it right away and he opened up to her about the marital issues between his parents and how he wishes he had the bravery to say something about it.

Dan knows Blair and vice-versa. There’s no doubting this.

3.) They leave big impressions on each others’ lives. Undoubtedly more so than the average mutually-hated relationship between two people. Is there anyone out there willing to argue that these two interact more than your usual list of enemies? Despite the “one step forward, two steps back” cycle that these two can’t seem to shake, they still find the smallest ways to confide in each other.

When Vanessa came back to town and Dan began discussing the biggest changes in his life, who was the first person he mentioned? That’s right: a certain Waldorf of the Blair variety.

4.) Short and simple: Who doesn’t love a good love/hate relationship?

I don’t want to end up writing a 1000-word essay for my very first entry so I’m just gonna shut up now and hope that the people who don’t agree with D/B found a new, open-minded respect for their relationship and the people who do agree with D/B broke their necks from nodding in agreement throughout the entire entry.

Okay… bye! God, I always sucked at closings.

“Hello world!” sounds so gay…

•September 23, 2009 • Leave a Comment

When I learn how to “pretty” up my blog then I’m gonna talk about something… eventually.